Don’t be afraid to be afraid.
Recently my son has had nightmares. At first, I thought he was watching something scary or heard a spooky story. Last night, I made it my mission to intently listen to his comments while he was sleeping. I heard him calling out math answers and directing his classmates. Interesting.
He is 5. Does not feel like an age to be stressed about school.
For the 3rd night in a row, he woke up between 1-3am. He was warm to the touch, sweaty, and nervous. I soothed him as I did the nights before. I walked him back to his bed, assured him he was OK as I rubbed his back, and he fell asleep.
Within 2 hours, he arose again. This time more startled with a panic in his voice. I laid with him for the remainder of the night, mostly because I had a better shot at sleep if I was close but also to see if I could hear more. Again, calling our math equations and now answering questions about books.
This morning, specifically morning 3 of interrupted sleep, I brought it up to him. This time it was not just “did you sleep better?” or “were you having a scary dream?” This was more pointed “why were you yelling out the answer is zero?” (and similar other questions)
What I learned is that he is scared he won’t know something. He is so concerned he cannot answer his teacher that he is getting himself anxious in his sleep. Now, he is 5, so he did not openly tell me this. It took a series of questioning and giving him assumptive statements to affirm for me. But what I needed to do was help him not be afraid of being afraid.
That got me thinking, I have no idea if I could be calm with knowing I am going to be afraid. But, I am. Or more to say, I have examples in my life where I was. But when you say out-loud to no be afraid of being afraid that is well, terrifying.
Accomplishing the barely possible, whether it is a task, a project, a new career…. is in itself scary. You are afraid to do something. That is why some people fail or don’t even bother trying, right? Fear. But if you can outweigh that concern with a positive feeling, the risk becomes worth it.
The special equation to it all. Being okay that “it” will terrify you but being more excited for the reward, more excited for the opportunity or the impact.
So, in the best way I could translate to a 5 year old these profound statements, I told him that everyone is afraid. Even Mommy and Daddy. But that we believe in him more than he is afraid. That he will be very proud of himself when he sees how much he can do. That we are here to help him. That being afraid just means you are ready to learn.
So, what are you afraid of that you want to risk anyway? For me, this consulting business is absolutely terrifying. If I do not hunt, I have no chance of catching and if by chance I do catch - is it enough to eat? That is my business mentality. And when I say it scares me - it fully does. However, the freedom to hunt the work that I like, the ability to say what I believe without corporate guardrails, and the ownership far outweighs.
So, I will ask again - what are you afraid of that can actually fuel your excellence… Here’s to hoping I made headway with my 5 year old and we sleep tonight.