I just want to like the people I am around…
I just want to like the people I am around. I want to enjoy talking to them. When I say “how are you,” I really want to know the answer.
That’s my first non-negotiable to do work.
Once I broke up with Corporate, I needed to rebuild myself as an individual - not a big title, not a brand’s mouthpiece, not another HR executive. And to do that, I needed to get very clear on what I needed in order to do good work.
I did all the exercises: vision boarding, pro/con lists, identifying my strengths…. all helpful. But what it really came down to was when have I been happy at work? Truly happy to go. Excited to work on new things. I made a list of those moments and I am very humbled to say there were a few! And then I started to assess the overlaps.
I like people. I like enjoying other people’s company. I like to learn about others perspectives. I find value in inclusion of thoughts. And I laugh… a lot.
The first non-negotiable was actually liking the people.
No fake pleasantries. No pretending to be involved in each others lives. I want you to know I have 3 kids. I want you to know that my youngest is starting Kindergarten and it is emotionally hard on me. I want you to understand that some Mondays I am more tired because of a long dance competition, or on Friday’s more excited because my family spends time at the beach together. It is a part of me, and if you are not actually interested than I don’t want to do work with you.
Why? Because I spent recent years working with folks who faked caring or did not care… and it did not help me do work. It made others angry, which in turn meant my doorway was frequented often. I was giving more empathy than I had because of the lack luster around me. Sure, I could have said “not my problem,” but we already established I do better work when people around me are doing well.
I had an executive who had no idea I had 1 child, never mind 3. So those late night emails that should have been read more like commands and demands felt worst. There was not only no respect for my personal boundaries as an individual, that person had no idea I was raising a family. It did not matter.
I had a leader who completely ghosted me the day I said I was leaving. For over a year. But what happened to asking about me and my family? Well looking back, those questions were more to get out of me what they needed, not what I needed which would then impact what we as an organization needed. I was no longer useful so in turn I was no longer worthy of checking in on.
I can say it now with a grain of salt but when I was detoxing my title and breaking up with corporate it was hard. It was hard to realize who needed you for what you could do for them vs. who actually cared about you. I know organizations do not care. I know business decisions are not always human. But I also know that we get to choose as people how we treat other people, and I no longer wish to be part of someones chess board to grow them but want to be around people that I genuinely want to root for.