Breaking up… with your self…
I hate a moment where I realized I was in a trance. Like as if I just went through a heart-wrenching breakup. I was on an emotional mood swing. I could not focus. I felt stuck in my thoughts, like a writer’s block but for my daily activities.
I would completed the 2-3 hours of “fun” that I was so excited to do… breakfast with the kids, engaging conversation for drop-off, a chore or two to keep the house looking immaculate, a work-out… and then… void.
Once my body stopped moving and I needed to do something else, I had no idea how to be anyone else. Until now, I knew how to be the present volunteer, the friend who can craft, the fun mom, the dotting wife (and now house-wife that I dreamed of being), and a walking brand to whatever corporate I held a big title in. That last part, that took me a long time to acknowledge.
Reality is over 6 months I sat and thought. I reached out to others who were on the other side of the mountain. I started to read like I never read before. I re-assimilated myself. I made vision boards. I coached myself though mindset work.
Where did I land? I broke up with my good corporate executive self.
I figured out what matters to me when I work. So now I have my why, I have ideas on my how and now what… what would I be willing to do and what am I never willing to do again.
What I learned was that I stopped putting Jaime Gabriel the person first many promotions ago. I was the quintessential champion to what ever my company needed.
Sure, my personable personality, my ability to be a strong, engaging public speaker and my super powers to hear what isn’t being said are all me. I know that. I own that. I earned that. I am PROUD of that.
But those are survival skills I have that I used to mask what I did not ever want to admit. I did not know how to be myself anymore without a big corporate title. My hands did not know how to be ideal from touching emails. My brain did not know how to just enjoy the moment around me without wondering about task lists and projects. My heart could not just accept praise as I spoke to old and new friends about my plans, it was constantly wondering what their “play” was.
I had to break up with “corporate.” I needed to stand on my own without “corporate.” I could no longer be that couple that spoke only in “we.”
I learned a lot about me. I learned the 3 things I have to have to do work. They are not anything I would have guessed years ago. They have nothing to do with a title or paycheck. They have nothing to do with leadership and control. They have everything to do with Jaime Gabriel, the person… not the title.
I learned that Jaime Gabriel is a valuable friend, an impactful employee, a compassionate leader, an empathetic business woman, a sought after public speaker, a requested thought partner and an owner of how she runs her day. It is amazing what can happen when you truly let yourself detox from your moment and let small signs signal to you.
Over the next few days, I will explain my 3 non-negotiables to do work, where they came from, how I found them and what they mean to me.