What is a why…
Being a solo-entrepreneur is not easy. I never thought it would be. I knew it would be risky, have ups and downs; be challenging… but to me, the concept of the reward far out-weighted the risk. But what is the reward?
Regardless of what you are weighing in your mind, there is always a “why” behind doing something or not. Pretty easy concept that I do not think many would argue. But what is an actual “why?”
I have 3 kids, 9 years old and younger. How often do I ask why they did something? Why do they want something? Why are they acting a certain way? They almost always answer “because,” or “I don’t know.” These answers launch me into a parental spin-out. How can you not know? Are you not in control of your brain, of the filter you use to say these things out-loud, or of your thought process?
Reality is, I think finding a “why” to do something or not is actually really challenging and I likely owe my 3 kids an apology. Maybe.
I think I will sit with this topic for a few days. The reality is there are layers to your why.
There is the surface area response. So I took the jump to run my own business because….
Surface level: I was not proud of who I was becoming in corporate America. I wanted to be more in control of who I helped and how I helped them. All code for: I was burned out and needed change to something that made me feel good.
But the more I sit with my decisions, the deeper I ponder about my why. What about the last few decades was not working for me. Why was I ready to give up stability? Here lies the catalyst for the why, but not yet really your true why. This is usually reserved for you to tell your 2-3 friendship circles outside of your core, maybe a challenging panel question or an inspirational LinkedIn post 6 months into your change…
Catalyst to me surface level: I was missing out on my fastly ageing children. I have a 9yo, 7 yo and 5 yo and I never went a full week dropping them off or picking them up. I outsourced a lot to a wonderful village but if my children didn’t remember a small part of their day by the 7:30pm dinner table (assuming they were still up), I missed out! I hated that feeling. I wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. If I sit with it long enough, I can remember a time where being a mom was the only job I wanted… some time in my “rebellious” (laughable) teen meets college years I hit the “I am woman hear me roar,” and need to prove I could do it all. But my subconscious never lost sight of wanting to be a mom, my love for children and my gift for calming them.
So is being present with my kids my why? Sure, it is part of it. But saying that is my why ignores the passion I clearly have for doing good work. I rose ladders and bounced around titles rapidly. I am forever grateful to the people who opened doors and put work in front of me that I could knock out of the park. Its not like I phoned those decades in. I didn’t just luck out with big titles and bigger promotions… I earned them.
This is why I believe after your surface level why, once you get your catalyst, you can unleash your authentic rationale. That is where your why lies. It will evolve, but it will never change. It will be what grounds you. When you get worried if you say it allowed your voice will change from “maybe I can,” to “when I do,” to “I am doing it.” It’s an energy booster and one of the most important north stars when you are going through change.
So, my authentic rationale: I want to maximize my life. I do not want to say “what if,” or “if only.” Being a present, active mom is as important to me as knocking work out of the park. Being a true partner to my husband, supporting his dreams is a commitment I will not waiver on. We know he is better when I have the flexibility to be a present mom; and we know we are better when I get to fill my bucket by doing great work.
Is this too meaty or personal to answer on a panel - depending on the audience maybe…. So my short answer to why I am picking flexibility over stability, the fear of hunting for your food instead of being fed 3 meals…. my family. We are all holistically better with my decisions and I know it was the right decision.
So, what is your why?