Moving from why to how….
It took me years to build up the courage to admit to myself that I might be able to own my own business.
The idea of stability was far too big for far too long. First it was benefits for my young growing family. Then it was consistent work and compensation. But the real truth was, I was not sure I was capable of anything else.
When I finally hit the moment, it then took me 18 months to make it happen. I set plans in place. I built in reflection time and I started to truly acknowledge - companies have needs and I have a skill set that can help.
Admission was the beginning of a still moving roller-coaster of emotions for me. More to come on how I reflected, how I built my business and how I feel as it grows. But, it started when I got very clear on my why. That lead to an urgency, desire and need to figure out how my why could be accomplished.
How is the hard part.
The social-media cloud that has us all assuming only roses and positivity about peoples lives isn’t helping. We all assume certain titles mean certain major salaries. We all think someone who vacations to exotic places has a specific lifestyle. We all assume the “American” household means prosperity. It’s because that’s the picture projected.
What is not discussed is the determination to paint the canvas. The choice of medium. The amount of times it was started over. How often the picture projected is not aligned to the original plan.
The reality: that title in that company barely breaks $100K and living in NY is not going to cover much. The vacations are on a family members handed down home that does not warrant much of a price tag. That couple is struggling with IVF. This couple has started separation. Another couple has aging parents. Someone lost their job. Someone received terminal illness news…. it’s all part of the picture, just not the part you see.
So the how is super hard. Because the how requires you to admit all the aspects of the picture; not just the ones you show.
For me, how can I be more present for my why? That was a long journey. It took a few years of first admitting that I couldn’t change people. That no matter how good I was at my job, I could only control aspects of my environment. That I needed to decide if I could tolerate my surroundings.
Turns out… I could. I could shoulder the weight of poor decisions. I could uplift myself without leadership. I could inspire a team without direction. But, I was suffering. Not just mentally.
The cost of burnout was massive. My blood-work was indicating medical issues rising. I was not happy with my physical self. I found myself often saying “why am I being so impatient?” I was turning on a fake smile so much that I was depleting the parts of myself that I love, that my family and friends look to. I was allowing myself to suffer at the expense of all others.
I was determined to set out on a vision process. One where I looked at every crack and crevice of my life’s picture. What do I like? What do I love? What am I good at? What do others see in my? Why would others pay me?
I re-assimilated with myself. Similar to an assimilation plan a new leader does when they take on a new team. I needed an honest and raw assessment of my good, my bad and my ugly (figuratively and literally). I used my most trusted circle that will tell me to my face when a haircut is bad or an outfit is not flattering.
If you have not taken stock of yourself, I implore you to do it. Do not wait for an urgent moment of reflection. Truly determine if you are proud of who you are or if you strayed a bit. And it is okay to stray. And it is absolutely okay to not be proud. It is what you do at that moment that determines who you truly are.
For me, I sat with that info. I digested it. I processed it like a bad breakup. I was happy, sad, disappointed, excited, regretful and then inspired….